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A Guide for Women - Comments Dear Members and Friends, Dave's article "A Guide for Women" created quite a stir. Here are some of the comments SSC received. What would you like to add? Barbara Millin SSC Director Dear SSC I read these with rapt attention and cannot wait to try them out. Many thanks, Wanda Barbara, I have been to several of your functions and always impressed at how nicely you treated everyone, men and women alike. You seem to be very good at making single women feel comfortable and welcome and seem to acknowledge the fact that women can enjoy themselves socially without necessarily meeting a man. Why in tarnation would you have someone on your website portray such a sexist and demeaning article on dancing? I am outraged. Middle-aged women who are perhaps in transition or trying to socialize after several years do NOT need such a demeaning 'checklist". We need to be encouraged to make the effort to enjoy ourselves, smile, feel confident, dress and behave in ways that are comfortable to us! And gone are the days when women can't ask men to dance just like they ask us! Is this the feeling you want to display at your parties? If so, I will NEVER show up again! A Reader Editor; The author of this letter later sent the following website with more great suggestions. It appears to be directed more to men, but is applicable to women as well. http://ddesimone.home.mindspring.com/Articles/articles.htm Dear Barbara: Having taken a lot of ballroom dance lessons in the last two years I consider myself a serious but amateur dancer. I am not a member and have gone to your Dance parties primarily to dance. If I meet someone new as a potential partner, great; if not, I've still had a good time dancing. With this in mind, I read the 19 dance tips with great interest, and on the whole, I think they are very good. The basic ideas of a woman standing alone, swaying to the music, looking excitedly at the dancers, wearing appropriate dance clothes and shoes, etc., are right on the mark and are the kinds of things I look for also. But I don't think they are all for everybody all the time. 1) Comments on the 19 ways of getting asked to dance: a) I don't agree that a lady should always tell a man she wants to dance with him instead of asking. Yes, telling him is more impressive than asking, but in some cases it can be perceived as rude. The act is the important thing and exactly how it is said is less important and perhaps should be geared towards the particular situation. If a lady asks me to dance I am just as happy as if she tells me, and in some cases I am glad that she is being considerate of my feelings. For example, if a man has just finished dancing several dances he may need a break and can more politely refuse or delay the dance if asked instead of told. When asked nicely, I will always accept regardless of how attractive I find the woman, unless I really am too tired or thirsty at the moment. b) The recommendation to stand with your toes on the edge of floor is far too precise. Standing near the dance floor in traffic is a good idea, but getting asked to dance really does not come down to a matter of inches where you stand. c) A welcoming smile still works wonders even if you have to look to the side at the man approaching you. A man who shies away from such a nice gesture because he thinks you are desperate is being rather superficial, and therefore probably not the kind of person you are looking for anyway. d) Lastly, don't forget to be yourself. Rules and guidelines generally don't work well if you are trying too hard. Take from these guidelines what works best for you and then try to forget that you are using them. 2) The next step: Suggestions for the dance itself a) First, don't accept an invitation if you really aren't interested in dancing with that man. The most frustrating, and I think impolite, thing to do is to agree to dance, and then ignore the man during the actual dance. Just tell him you need a break or aren't ready, and then wait until he mingles a little out of sight before accepting an invitation from someone you do want to dance with. b) Once you've accepted a dance, pay attention to your partner and make eye contact at least occasionally while dancing. Follow his moves and show some of your own if it is a free-form dance. Smile and show your pleasure if you are having a good time. c) Don't worry if you can't follow all the moves, just try your best and have fun. Smiling and making eye contact to show you are enjoying it, even if one of you is stumbling, is more important than how well you dance. Likewise, don't overwhelm him if you are the better dancer. A dance is something you create together, so try to match your partner's level. d) During the dance, don't talk too much. You can talk a little, and if you are interested in more, defer the conversation and invite him to sit down with you after the dance. e) Maybe you want to dance, but aren't interested romantically in the man. Its perfectly acceptable to agree to dance with a man that you would not want to date. Likewise, the man may not really be interested in you romantically, and just wants to have a good time dancing with you. But for the few minutes of that dance, your attention belongs to him, and vice versa. If you don't want to dance WITH him, then don't waste his time, and don't use him as an excuse to go out onto the floor to dance with yourself. f) (For men also) After the dance, thank your partner, no matter how good or awful it was. Don't just walk away. After all, this person has just devoted a few minutes of their life to you, and that deserves some respect and gratitude, no matter what happens thereafter. If more women would follow these rules of etiqutte, the overall experience would be more enjoyable and I would come to more of the Singles Supper Club dances. Annonymous Male TIPS FOR MEN Written by Anonymous The article telling women how to encourage men to dance with them stimulated conversation on the subject of SSC dances. We women realize that being afraid to ask someone you don't know to dance isn't just limited to females. Guys are uncomfortable with that, too. Dave provided some good advice for the women. Now itís our turn to offer some tips to the men on how to encourage the ladies to ask them to dance! We choose to remain anonymous...we could be any woman at a dance. We believe our thoughts reflect those of a majority of single women. Okay guys, pay attention as we share the top 10 tips for filling your dance card! 1. If you see two of us together please don't be intimidated should you want to ask one of us to dance. We are standing or sitting together because we are uncomfortable being alone. 2. Body language counts! If you stand against the wall, with your arms crossed, you are too far from the dance floor. Your body language screams "unapproachable". 3. Smile at me, especially IF I smile at you. A genuine smile is a great icebreaker. 4. Make eye contact - that tells me you are approachable. 5. Refrain from giving every woman who walks by the "once over". Women feel very uncomfortable when it happens. Trust us when we tell you we notice that behavior even from afar. It ís a real turn-off. 6. Whenever possible, talk to me when we dance. I have difficulty maintaining the conversation by myself. If the music is too loud to talk comfortably we can continue the conversation after the song ends. 7. If I ask you to dance...please don't say "NO". Or tell me you are too tired, and then dance with someone else. That is about as demoralizing as it gets. We know that women are guilty of this, too. But most of us come to the dances to dance. 8. When I get the courage to say "hi", please answer me. Doesn't it hurt when you get the cold shoulder? Say "hi" even if I am not your dream woman. I just might be the nicest woman you have spoken to in years. 9. If I step on your toes, let it go. Think of it as a dance lesson and you are teaching me how to ballroom dance. Don't verbally critique the woman you are dancing with and insist that she learn the proper steps while dancing this ONE dance with you. We do our best - but don't expect perfection. 10. Please don't grope. 11. Dress comfortably but attractively. 12. Have fun!! This is not serious business. It's a DANCE for heaven's sake! Relax and enjoy yourself. |
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