Home Events Match Maker Membership Contact Us Goodies > Success Stories > A Guide for Women > Single Gourmet Club > Travel Opportunities > Recipes > Ask the Expert > Gift Certificates > Theory of Love Testimonials Photo Gallery FAQ		Ask the Experts   SSC ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS   Ever since the Singles Supper Club was established in 1984, our director, Barbara Millin, has spent hours on the phone everyday talking to single people. Recently we asked her to answer some of the most frequently asked questions.     HOW DO WOMEN LIKE TO BE TREATED?   Spend a little time in the SSC office fielding phone calls and you'll learn a lot about how people like to be treated by the opposite sex. Members often call in and report on their experiences at dances and mixers or otherwise update us on their love lives.   Here are tips to men based on what we have heard from women. We welcome a response or other comments from our male members.   Treat Her Like A Lady   We recommend that you observe those basic rules of courteous behavior we all learned years ago especially in the beginning of a relationship.   Be generous, that's always nice. At the mixers and dances go ahead and spring for a drink for a lady you like. It's a gesture that's bound to be appreciated.   When you ask for a date think comfortable, think public place. What could be less threatening than meeting for coffee? One well-liked man reports that women love to be asked out to breakfast or brunch.   Show respect in little ways. A last minute call is acceptable between friends, but time after time? Call Wednesday for a week-end date.   Avoid sensitive subject matter in initial conversations with a woman. Actually, it's probably best to always steer clear of sexual topics or innuendo unless you know someone well. And yes, this does include any mention of body parts or dirty jokes.   Women tell us that feeling safe and unthreatened in a man's presence is of paramount importance. So gentlemen, stick to the old-fashioned ways. From what we're hearing, it's your best bet     HOW HELPFUL IS HAVING A CHECKLIST IN CHOOSING A MATE?   On the basis of what we've seen and heard over the years, most successful love seekers seem to be those who keep an open mind and are willing on occasion to take a chance on someone not true to a preconceived notion of their type.   Let's face it. How many people have you run across so far who have met all the qualifications on your wish list? How many people have measured up to your fantasy?   A favorite case in point comes to mind.   Barbara, a former club member, had always been very picky. Her friends were sure that she would never find anyone to marry. Convinced that they were right, Barbara was resigned--after all, wasn't being picky better than being wrong?   She began to change her mind after meeting Bob at a SSC event. Barbara's first impression was that Bob was "very nice and certainly handsome."   But, too tall.   Barbara also liked Bob's great sense of humor. But, the next week when he called for a date, she declined. Ice hockey?   "I didn't even know who the Sharks were," she said, "and besides I was thinking all the time, 'he's too tall and he lives too far away."   Boy, did Barbara get lucky. Bob persevered. A year after they met the couple was married.     WHAT EXACTLY IS THE ROMANCE POTENTIAL OF THE CLUB?   To the best of my knowledge there have been over a hundred marriages since we started up, lots of dating for sure, and over the years I have heard of several couples who ran away together.   Having said that, we do not recommend to newcomers that they attend our events with the sole intent of meeting their soul mate. It's smarter, we say, to look forward to enjoying the activity, interesting conversation and good food. If the right person comes along, all the better.     IF I ATTEND A SINGLES' EVENT WILL PEOPLE THINK I'M DESPERATE?   Well over half of the adult population in the Bay Area is unmarried. If you are one of this majority, with whom else would you be interested in socializing? A married person?   The world is filled with active, successful, attractive, likeable and interesting single people. The key question is--Do you want the opportunity to meet them or do you prefer staying home with the TV and a take-out dinner?     HOW MUCH HARDER IS IT TO FIND LOVE AFTER 50?   Of course it is easier in your 20s to find someone because so many others in your age group are also still single and looking. To find someone when you are older in a world you may perceive as filled with couples, usually requires some effort. Good news, however--year after year we have noticed a significant rise in interest from people about age 55 or so. If you were discouraged in the past our advice is to try again. There may very well be a lot of new players in the field.   Keep involved! Broaden your circle! Focus on non-family organizations or activities. Joining a singles social group should be at the top of your list.     I'M 30 YEARS OLD, ATTRACTIVE AND SUCCESSFUL. THE PHONE USED TO RING OFF THE HOOK. NOW I'M ALONE MORE OFTEN THAN NOT. WHAT HAPPENED?   Let's assess your situation closely. By now, not just a couple but perhaps many of your old school friends have married and probably just as many have moved away. Have you been so busy working that you have forgotten to replace each dropout friend with someone new?   At about your age we do start to hear from singles that their social scene seems to have changed. Fewer couples seem 'to just meet' on their own at the supermarket or on a plane. For the first time even formerly superactive and sought after people can no longer rely on the fates. Once again we recommend a proactive approach. We suggest you take a look at the events in the SSC newsletters which have been specifically planned for your age group.     AT THE DANCES I FEEL ALONE AND OUT OF PLACE WHILE OTHERS SEEM TO BE HAVING SUCH A GREAT TIME. WHAT'S THEIR SECRET?   It's no secret, it's having friends! Spotting a familiar face across the room can do a lot to settle a case of social anxiety. Finding three or four such friends at an event practically guarantees a good time!   The SSC is a community of single people, a "town square" where people make friends and enjoy one another's company at a variety of activities. SSC members have a ball at our dances. Having made friends through the club's more intimate events eases the tension and makes for a great time.     < TOP >

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