Home Events Match Maker Membership Contact Us Goodies > Success Stories > A Guide for Women > Single Gourmet Club > Travel Opportunities > Recipes > Ask the Expert > Gift Certificates > Theory of Love Testimonials Photo Gallery FAQ		A General Theory of Love   Recently, it was my pleasure to hear Dr. Thomas Lewis, Professor of Psychiatry at UCSF, discuss his book, A General Theory of Love. Dr. Lewis was a guest on Technation, a local PBS radio production hosted by Moire Gunn. This program airs each Sunday night on channel 88.5 from 10:00 p.m. until 11:00 p.m. Each Sunday KQED FM offers fabulous radio listening which is intellectually stimulating, diverse and entertaining from 7:00 p.m. until midnight.   In discussing the psychobiological underpinnings of love, Dr. Lewis scientifically explained patterns that I have observed during the 16 years that I have directed SSC. Some of these patterns are: 1) Couples who fall in love often fall out of love within one to twoyears. 2) Conversely, couples who have married, in general, have done so withina year of having met.   According to Dr. Lewis, when one falls in love, there is a huge amount of neuron brain activity which is experienced as excitement, elation, and passion. This high level of excitation lasts roughly 18 months. It is only after this initial reaction subsides that one can truly get to know someone and truly love the person. Once the excitement calms down, the couple must have common goals and desires which inspire the couple to nurture the relationship and to continue being a couple. Examples of compelling reasons to remain together include a desire to raise a family, share a home and companionship, and build a future with another. Based on my own observations over the years I counsel members who want a long term committed relationship to take at least several months to get to know their potential partner well. If during the first six months of the relationship marriage is not being seriously discussed, someone is either ambivalent or has no intention of making the marital leap, at least not in that relationship.   Also, a committed relationship does not come without some personal cost. In order to sustain a committed relationship, such pleasures as freedom to come and go as one pleases without regard for anyone else and the euphoria of the initial "falling in love" experience have to be relinquished. It is also critical to make time for nurturing togetherness with that special someone. Daily duties like pursuing our profession, answering e-mail, going through junk mail, and a billion other tasks and choices can pull us away from our significant other. Just remember that love is a living, breathing union that needs its own brand of sunshine, water, and fresh air.   Barbara Millin SSC Director     < TOP >

Singles Supper Club PO Box 60518 Palo Alto CA 94306 650.327.4645   ©1999-2001 Singles Supper Club All rights reserved fun@SinglesSupperClub.com   Web production: Beetown.com